Einstein on Speed

To the average, mostly, law-abiding citizen, a law enforcement officer is that person that might catch them speeding.  (Sorry this is not about the celebrated scientist using meth).  But, let’s look at how Einstein’s theory of relativity affects the Red and Blue World.

Many of you may remember reading Einstein’s book Relativity: The Special and the General Theory or if you were lucky your teacher showed you one of those nifty videos about the man watching people on a passing train or about laser timers on space ships that fly by each other.  However it happened, you probably learned that everything is relative to the position and circumstances from which it is observed, except for the speed of light, it’s constant (maybe).

I have stopped cars that I thought were attempting to drive at the speed of light.  They usually just take their ticket and keep their mouth shut, they know they had it coming.  This article is not about them.  Instead let’s take a look at the casual speeder who only threatens to break the sound barrier, not bend space and time.  Because, they are often affected by a problem of perspective.

Most people have caught themselves speeding at some time.  Life happens and we find ourselves someplace when we were supposed to be someplace else, about 10 minutes ago.  Oh, no.  We’ve got to hurry.  This could cost us (our job, the movie previews, our place In line at Starbucks, the first few minutes of our favorite show, all those life or death things).  So, we start to panic.  If we hurry, we might still make it before someone notices.  We push the envelope slightly (you know the envelope created by those pesky little square signs with numbers on them).  Then we see the red and blue in our rearview and we finally have someone on which to vent our frustration.  Why isn’t that cop out catching some drug dealer or something, instead of picking on me when I’m late already?”

Let’s pretend for a minute that a question like that makes sense.  This is where we are going to alter the space/time continuum.  I’m that cop but instead of working traffic, suddenly, I’m transported in chronology and position, and (an hour earlier) I am breaking in the door of the house right where I stopped the speeder.  Inside, I find some variety of chemical candy, packaged for sale.  That’s right, I am catching a drug dealer just like my speeder wanted.  I am going to be there for well over an hour, searching the house and properly collecting the evidence so at some point the speeder goes flying by in excess of the posted speed limit.  This is the point where the matron of the home turns to me and with lofty self-righteousness asks me, why aren’t you stopping that guy?  We have kids that play in this neighborhood.  He’s going to kill someone and all you’re doing is picking on me ‘cause I sell a little dope once in a while.  After I make a note of that spontaneous confession, I say,  “Ah, ha, relativity in action.” 

It all depends on your perspective.  Are you laughing?  I have had dopers say that very thing to me.  It’s okay, I laughed too – later.  But for a minute let’s ask the question, is she wrong?  Your first reaction might be, “Dealing drugs is a lot worse than speeding.”  But then we must ask, “Why, who says?”  If you look at the data on how many people die or are disabled from accidents, you can easily conclude that driving is the most dangerous thing that we do in our lives.  From that perspective traffic violations are more dangerous than drug dealing. 

So is drug dealing safe – hardly.  The amount of injuries and death resulting from overdose, violence, and property crimes related to drug usage, and the procurement of the money to buy said drugs, can often not even be measured.  Cops working the streets will tell you, most disturbances they go to are related in one way or another to drugs and alcohol and they are some of the most dangerous calls to which cops respond. 

Here’s how relativity works in the Red and Blue World.  The innocent speeder tells me I should be arresting those little punks with the booming stereos.  That audiophile that appreciates the bass of fine music tells me to go pick on those guys smoking dope in the park.  The “strictly medical” marijuana users enjoying the public greenway ask me why I don’t go get those criminals that are using meth.   The poor victims of the awful addiction of methamphetamine say, “Don’t you have some killer you can arrest?”  What’s a cop to do but throw up his hands and confess, “Okay, I’m sorry.  We’ve been a little short on murders this week.  Maybe we should advertise.”  Besides, the killer is just going to tell me the other guy had it coming and apparently, from his perspective, he’s not lying. 

The point is everyone wants the law enforced for someone else but not themselves.  No one should feel too badly.  It’s human nature.  When I worked in the city, the department did not have enough officers to put in all the places where we  had speeding complaints.  Some of the more affluent neighborhoods would hire me on my time off and rent a patrol car so I could stop the terrible speeding problem they had in their area.  On one of those gigs, the first person I stopped confessed to me that he was on the board that hired me.  I wrote him a ticket for doing 45 in a 30.  Fortunately he was a sensible man and understood that I was doing just what they hired me to do.

If you get stopped, here’s something to think about.  The police officer who is stopping you would probably love to be arresting a killer instead.  But, she has likely been told by her sergeant that she needs to get out there and work more traffic.  The Sergeant received the order from the Commander.  The Commander got it from the Chief.  The Chief was told about the traffic problems by the City Manager and the City Manager got the complaint from the public.  So instead of blaming your situation on the cop, you might want to consider all the times that you were speeding and didn’t get a ticket.  Then say to yourself, “He’s just doing his job,” and be respectful (Officers are more likely to be lenient to someone like that anyway – no promises).  If you want to really take the high road, tell the Officer that you really appreciate his service to the community… and you hope the murder rate picks up real soon for him.